86 Ways to Torture andor Annoy House
by PhantomWriter2.0
Summary: These are my 86 ways to torture and/or annoy the infamous Dr. Gregory House. Rated T because of Cuddy.
1. Chapter 1

86 Ways to Torture and/or Annoy House

_Why 86 you ask? Because that is, currently, the number of House episodes that have aired on TV. These are 86 ways I have thought of to either torture or annoy Dr. Gregory House. I will be doing this list in four parts: the 1__st__ and 2__nd__ will have 21, the 3__rd__ and 4__th__ will have 22. Hope you enjoy!_____

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own House. Though he may or may not be locked in my very tiny closet…looks innocent then locks closet door

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Let's get this torture party started…

1) Obviously, you could take his cane away, but let's make this more fun shall we?

2) Take the little flames off the end of his cane (too easy am I right?)

3) Take his Vicodin, tie it to a string from the ceiling just high enough so he has to jump for it, an sit back and watch.

4) Rein_car_nate his car into a very rusty 1967 pick-up.

5) Switch his motorized scooter with a push scooter.

6) Put Cuddy in a glass box in her underwear and make him wear a blindfold.

7) Do the same with Cameron.

8) Put him in a small white room with Chase.

9) Record Chase talking and put him in a sound-proof room with the recording without an off switch.

10) Hide his electric guitar (I got the idea from Wilson.)

11) Replace all his Vicodin pills with laxatives (blame Cuddy)

12) Put him in a room with a very optimistic person and tape his mouth shut.

13) Bring Vogler back.

14) Give him a dribble cup.

15) Make Foreman fix his coffee for the rest of his life.

16) Trip him.

17) Make him go to the top of the Empire State Building by way of the stairs.

18) Make him work in the clinic.

19) Make him work in the clinic _without pay_.

20) Move his apartment to the top floor.

21) Make him go on another date with Cameron.

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Does anybody else think I should quit while I'm…not so much ahead as out of ideas? I'm having a surprisingly hard time coming up with new ways to torture and/or annoy the infamous Dr. House. Any ideas? Please tell me what you thought of my first 21 ways. I need your feedback or this is never going to come anywhere close to finished.

_-Phantom_


	2. Chapter 2

86 Ways to Torture and/or Annoy House

_Okay, second part of my Ways to Torture House series. Some of my reviewers have given me ideas for new ways. Thank you to all those who reviewed and helped me with the second set: Princess of Danny Phantom, Hannah Judas, random-Tuesday, and BeautifulXinXBlood. _

_Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own House. Though he may or may not be locked in my very tiny closet…looks innocent then locks closet door_

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22) Have Wilson saw his cane in half again.

23) Sell his guitar on eBay.

24) Insistently call his guitar a 'he' and give it a boy's name.

25) Make him treat a returning hypochondriac.

26) Leave him in a room with a bunch of mindless idiots.

27) Leave him in a room with a hypochondriac germaphobe.

28) Put him in a room with Monk.

29) Make Foreman try to teach him something.

30) Make Cuddy wear a full-body suit to work.

31) Give Cuddy breast reduction surgery.

32) Make him go to a museum with Chase.

33) Force him to stare at a statue of a naked man (yes…force, as in handcuffs)

34) Make him wear his white lab coat all the time.

35) Take away his yo-yo.

36) Never let him have pretzels again.

37) Force him to go to shopping at the mall with Cameron. (this tortures Cameron too)

38) Convince him that Cuddy's a transvestite.

39) Make him eat hamburgers for the rest of his life.

40) Don't let Wilson make him any more sandwiches.

41) Stick him in a room with a bunch of Rednecks. (I'd be there too!)

42) Put him in a room with a completely clueless and extremely smart person. (like Zack from Bones)

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I am really having a hard time with these and I fear that some of them are kind of lame. I need everyone's help on this. Like…what kind of foods does House like and dislike? And things like that. Please read and review. I need help if this is going to continue.

_-Phantom_


	3. Chapter 3

86 Ways to Torture and/or Annoy House

_I have had some major inspiration from my readers and would like to thank all of them. Thank you: beautiful dreamere, JessieK1119, Hannah Judas, zippitydoodaa321, notlupus (love the name btw), Princess of Danny Phantom, random-tuesday, Emilee J, BeautifulXinXBlood, and a special thanks to my anonymous reviewer sjr (thanks for all the great ideas)._

_The first seven 'ways' were given to me by the anonymous reviewer: sjr. The 51__st__ 'way' came from beautiful dreamere. 52-55 come from JessieK1119. #56 comes from Hannah Judas (I'm a Zackaroni fan too), #57 comes straight from zippitydoodaa321. #58 comes from notlupus!_

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43) Lock him a room with Shawn and Henry from Psych.

44) Lock him in a room with a group of people singing show tunes.

45) Force him to watch Teletubbies for 3 straight hours. (I think I'd rather die)

46) Make him sit down with his father and share his feelings.

47) Invite him to a movie that's all about running or playing sports.

48) Put him on the 'no-way' side of a one-way mirror with Carmen Electra on the other side…moaning.

49) Lock him a room with Shawn, Gus, Monk and John Smith from Dead Zone.

50) Have an ugly pregnant woman come up to him and tell him it's his baby.

51) Lock him in a room with a classroom full of kindergartners.

52) Put pickles on his reuben. (thanks Emilee J!)

53) Take him to Wal-mart with a gag in his mouth to keep him from insulting people.

54) Never ending clinic duty without any toys.

55) Hide the keys to his motorcycle. (I love this one too)

56) Make him drink herbal tea…for the rest of his life.

57) Never allow Wilson to make him Macadamia nut pancakes again (does Wilson do all the cooking?)

58) Trap him in an elevator with a very curious little kid.

59) Hide his Game boy

60) And tape it to the ceiling

61) Then saw it in half.

62) Put him in a room with Amber and take away all his alcohol. (I really do miss the girl)

63) Trap him in an elevator with a bunch of nuns and priests praying.

64) Pour a cup of apple juice on him and convince him it was pee! (that was funny in the show)

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I just realized that this is the longest one yet. Maybe it's the Author's Notes? I have loved coming up with these and hearing your ideas. I have a few ideas for the last chapter, but I still need the support of my readers. And for my fellow Zackaroni fan, Zack with return! He's gonna be back to torture House. Hodge Podge is coming too!

_-Phantom_


	4. Chapter 4

86 Ways to Torture and/or Annoy House

_Thank you guys so much! I have loved writing this and hearing everyone's ideas. Thanks, once again to all my reviewers: beautiful dreamere, JessieK1119, Hannah Judas, zippitydoodaa321, notlupus, Princess of Danny Phantom, random-tuesday, Emilee J, BeautifulXinXBlood, and a special thanks to my anonymous reviewer sjr._

_The first 6 'ways' come to us from the not-so-anonymous sjr. The next 5 come from the ever faithful Hannah Judas. #s 80 and 81 are for Hannah Judas._

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65) Tie him to a chair and ask him to choose: Cuddy, Carmen Electra, Amber, or Wilson; all of which are wearing bikinis. (I took this one a little farther)

66) Have Chase come up to him every ten minutes and hug him; even in the bathroom…

67) Let him eat one of Wilson's pancakes and later tell him some of the nuts were cockroaches.

68) Secretly tape him playing his guitar and put it on YouTube.

69) Burn his computer—with his iTunes—and tell him he won't get a new one for a month. (I changed that one a lot)

70) Put a monkey in his apartment and have it stare at him all day, even while he's sleeping. (creeeepy)

71) Take Steve away from him and leave ransom notes. (who knows who Steve is?)

72) Take all of the red lollipops out of the lollipop jar.

73) Put a lock on his computer so he can't access his iTunes

74) or his 'special pictures' (so evil)

75) Remove one of the keys from his piano every time he insults someone or comments on Cuddy's outfit.

76) Kill off one of his favorite soap stars by pushing them down the elevator shaft.

78) Let Chase do his hair. (Yikes)

79) Stick him in a room with pink bunnies painted on the walls and only Barbara Jean (from Reba) to keep him company.

80) Trap him in an elevator while Zack and Hodgins discuss their latest 'experiment' with reeaally long words.

81) Have him participate in one of Zack and Hodgin's 'experiments; one involving and elevator…and maybe small children.

82) Put him back in jail and have Tritter tell him every single one of his faults.

83) Bring Vogler back and have him fire Cuddy.

84) Erase all of his songs off iTunes and replace them with gospel and ragtime. (how horrible)

85) Have Vogler and Tritter team up against him…in Speedos. (too much am I right?)

86) Last but not least…the worst possible torture…ever….

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My thanks go out to everyone who helped me write this. Special thanks to Hannah Judas and sjr for all the great ideas. If you reviewed to this story…uh, list and weren't mentioned here, please tell me and I'll put you on. I think I might do this for characters on other shows. Is anybody here a fan of Avatar too?

_-Phantom_


	5. Chapter 5

86 Ways to Torture and/or Annoy House

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...Make him wait forever for an update...

I think that's torturous for everyone. I didn't think I was going to do that to you guys but then I thought about it and I got to the last one and...BAM!

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Once again, thank you to everyone who helped me with this or just plain reviewed!


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